Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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