so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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