Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
