This girl is more easily done than said...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
