she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
