I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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