you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
