I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
