yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
