If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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