this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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