I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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