I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
