your parents love me but you hate me
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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