I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
