I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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