Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
