My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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