She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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