then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
