This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
