Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
