i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
