hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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