Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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