Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
