if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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