Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
