cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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