Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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