When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
