you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
