I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
