I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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