Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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