i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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