talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
