5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
