How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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