Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
