Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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