i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
