Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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