found the other keg... it's in the tree
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Terrible idea I love it
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
