these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
