Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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