I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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