Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
