tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
