i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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