TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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