drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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